Creating positive relationships
Adebola Ajayi leads the Embark Counselling service at The Ridgeway Centre. She’s also part of the New Life community and mum to three teenage children. For Parent Mental Health Day today, Adebola shares four key tips that can help us all to have healthy relationships.
Relationships are vital to life and each person forms relationships at work, school, church and in various community settings. However, there is a special relationship that exists between a parent and their children irrespective of what age the children are. As with all relationships, the nature of the relationship changes with time but the quality of the relationship can remain positive and healthy to all parties.
As a parent, there are many active ingredients that help to create a positive relationship with a child, and the list will change with the developmental age of the child. However, here are some really vital aspects that apply to any healthy relationship.
The first ingredient to a healthy relationship is you! Your mental health will impact on your ability to maintain a good relationship. Being aware of and able to regulate your emotions is vital for all positive relationships and especially your relationship with your child. Children learn how to regulate their own emotions from relating with their parents. They tend to copy their parents’ responses to people, situations and various life challenges.
Set healthy boundaries. Boundaries are very helpful in communicating what is OK or not OK for you. As a parent, you need to set boundaries with your child and teach them to do the same, and to be respectful of your boundaries. If children don’t learn to set and respect boundaries at home, the chances are, they won’t do so in their wider social networks.
Practise active listening. Many relationships are rocky because people don’t listen to others in order to understand but listen only to respond. In listening to respond, we are not seeking to understand the other person but rather to seek our own way. When the goal is to understand, we ask clarifying questions to understand what the other person is saying, rather than making assumptions and jumping to conclusions.
Gradually relinquish control. When people are struggling with their mental health, they may tend to want to control everything and everyone around them. A major part of being mentally healthy is being able to recognise what you can or cannot control. As children grow, a good part of healthy parenting is relinquishing control to aid the child’s move from dependence to independence.
Positive relationships don’t just happen. They have to be worked at. We need to choose to be respectful of others and to maintain relationships intentionally. It is impossible to always get it right, but having a willingness to learn, apologise and grow will be helpful for sustaining a positive relationship.
Of course, relationships can be the source of a lot of hurt and pain in our lives, which is often difficult to get over. If you need support with processing healing from hurts from relationships, you may want to speak with a counsellor.
Embark Counselling offers a safe, confidential space for your journey to healing. We aim to offer low-cost affordable sessions in-person or online.
For more information visit the website: www.embarkcounselling.org.uk or email info@embarkcounselling.org.uk